{"id":60,"date":"2009-06-07T12:47:26","date_gmt":"2009-06-07T08:47:26","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/elhana.ru\/?p=60"},"modified":"2009-06-07T13:09:36","modified_gmt":"2009-06-07T09:09:36","slug":"these-are-the-people-in-your-raid","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/elhana.ru\/?p=60","title":{"rendered":"These are the People in your Raid"},"content":{"rendered":"

I found this when I was cleaning the mess on my PC today. If I’m not mistaken it was posted on official WoW forums and reposted on my guild’s forums back in the Molten Core days, still a nice read.<\/em><\/p>\n

You raid with these people. You work with these people. These people are closer than your family. You should worry.<\/span><\/p>\n

The GM<\/strong>
\nHe\u2019s sacrificed his health, friends, and probably a couple of jobs to drag you through new content. When the guild isn\u2019t performing, these decisions are in question. Prone to shooting sprees, forum flame wars, and the rapid advancement\/gearing of whatever toon the guild \u201cneeds\u201d. If you can keep your mouth shut, he\u2019ll go emo and quit before you get gkicked. Still, you do like the guy. Or did. Before he went crazy. See drunks, below.<\/p>\n

The GM\u2019s Significant Other<\/strong>
\nOkay, so he was going to have to quit but he tricked his SO into playing. She loves it. She\u2019s terrible. You\u2019ll effectively 24 man every boss. Count on 4 constructs in the raid, every attempt. She plays a Belf.<\/p>\n

The Raid Leader<\/strong>
\nWhen you stand in the flames, he dies a little bit inside.<\/p>\n

The Heir Apparent<\/strong>
\nWhen the GM goes psycho, ninjas the bank, and gdisbands, you\u2019re the guy the guild is gonna look to to to fix the mess. You see it coming. You can\u2019t decide if ritual suicide or being the new gm would be more painful.<\/p>\n

The Positive Officer<\/strong>
\n\u201cThat was great. Just great. You know, only 5% of guilds have even made it to Supremus, and getting him down to 67% on the second attempt is hawt.\u201d See Stoners, below.<\/p>\n

The Negative Officer<\/strong>
\n\u201cJesus Christ why are there corpses under all these goddamn volcanoes? It\u2019s Supremus for %@*@s\u2019s sake. GET OUT OF THE GODDAMN FLAME!\u201d See Drunks, below.<\/p>\n

The Healing Officer<\/strong>
\nHas this job because, as the newest officer who plays a healer, he\u2019s stuck with it.<\/p>\n

The Hunter Class Lead<\/strong>
\nWill tell you that it does actually require skill and preparation to play a hunter well in the end game. Lies frequently.<\/p>\n

Metermaid<\/strong>
\nHe\u2019s got meters running. Always. Asks for meter postage whenever he\u2019s in the top 5, which is rare, as his focus on the meters is preventing him from seeing the volcano he\u2019s pathing towards. Pulls aggro. Has yet to realize that 0 health returns 0 dps. If he\u2019s healing, you might as well just put him on raid, he\u2019s gonna heal them anyway.<\/p>\n

Stratman<\/strong>
\nHas read every strategy on the entire internet for every boss. Unable to think critically. Knows where his talk key is. Hated by the officers. Likely to play a hunter or mage. If this is also Chick With Accent, below, guild will probably collapse.<\/p>\n

The Gay Guy<\/strong>
\nAffects the gay accent for effect. Upgrade decisions tend to involve lengthy discussions about gear appearance. Learned to use the dressing room function before the \u2018v\u2019key.<\/p>\n

The Stay At Home Mom<\/strong>
\nShe\u2019s around children all day and craves adult conversation. Babbles incessantly in vent, forgetting that adult conversation doesn\u2019t usually begin with, \u201cSo I was talking to (insert name of four-year-old child) and he says\u2026\u201d Well liked, but frequently muted.<\/p>\n

Mr. Mikeless<\/strong>
\nHas a microphone. Hears the conversation and directions. Once wiped the raid because he started talking and most folks alt-tabbed to see who the hell was speaking. May be your best player.<\/p>\n

The Kid<\/strong>
\nSo, you messed up on this guy\u2019s interview and nobody noticed that he was 12. But, he can play. And if he gets a little bit excited when boobies are getting talked about? Hey, he\u2019s young.<\/p>\n

The Backbone<\/strong>
\nPlays a tank. Doesn\u2019t have much to say. Made an error once in SSC, or so you heard. Will disconnect when Gorefiend is at 30% and keep aggro while offline for the rest of the fight. Has never said anything negative to the healers. Ever. GL with your progression without one of these. Hates the prima donnas.<\/p>\n

The Other Kid<\/strong>
\nRemember that accountant you interviewed for the fury warrior position? And how you wondered how he\u2019d make time to raid during tax season? He couldn\u2019t. His eleven year old daughter took over about that time. She\u2019s been raiding since. Mages, that\u2019s an eleven year-old girl owning you night after night.<\/p>\n

The Hunter Who Doesn\u2019t Do His Homework<\/strong>
\nAlways good for insightful commentary and clever observation just after a wipe. \u201cHoly Crap Man! I was just standing and shooting and this damn VOLCANO popped on me! When did they put in those volcanoes?\u201d<\/p>\n

The Prophet<\/strong>
\nKept insisting that you were going to need a melee group for BT, despite the fact that melee was dreadful for SSC\/BT. Badgered the management until they broke. Plays a rogue. Shreds. Loved by the Most Devout.<\/p>\n

The Most Devout<\/strong>
\nThis is the guy who gets to play an off-spec in a big-boy raid. He\u2019s the fury warrior or the enhance shammy. He cannot believe that some fate is letting him have this much fun that he\u2019s afraid it will all come crashing down. Prays devoutly to his favorite diety that the guild won\u2019t collapse because he\u2019ll never have THIS much fun again. Ever.<\/p>\n

The Drunks<\/strong>
\nThe core of your guild. As raid progresses, their voices in vent are getting just ever so slightly slurred. You don\u2019t notice because you\u2019re trying to sound sober yourself. DPS output seems to scale positively with blood alcohol content.<\/p>\n

The Stoners<\/strong>
\nQuietly wiping raids since the beta. They really, really, really hate having to move out of the fire. Two of them are dead under the volcanoes. They live in fear of the negative officer. They have their own channel. Try \/join (insertguildname)stoners. You\u2019ll see who\u2019s in there. It\u2019ll explain a lot. Still, if these guys don\u2019t show, bosses don\u2019t seem to actually die. They\u2019re also having more fun than everyone else combined.<\/p>\n

The Prima Donna<\/strong>
\nRequires special attention from management. Constantly whining. Plays some vital role. Might be a main tank, mage tank, or lock tank. The officers really hate this guy and as soon as they can find another tank with 24,000 buffed HP, he\u2019s out. Not a stoner.<\/p>\n

The Chick with the Accent<\/strong>
\nIs the accent fake? Nobody knows or cares. Future visits to Australia\/Britian\/New Zealand\/Alabama are now planned by all single raid members.<\/p>\n

The Healing Pallie<\/strong>
\nHates healing and had to go holy to see endgame. If you raid with a boomkin, a feral druid, a fury warrior, or any non-resto shaman, you are not getting a 10 minute blessing. Forget it. He hates you. God help you if he has a raid-viable alt in one of those classes; you\u2019re not even getting heals. Also, see Prima Donna.<\/p>\n

The Departed Legend<\/strong>
\nYou joined after he left. You suspect that he could not actually solo Doomwalker. But you\u2019re not totally sure.<\/p>\n

The Disgruntled Raider<\/strong>
\nTook an unannounced, extended vacation and now has to share his raid spot with the other 11 extra dps. Very angry about this situation. Doesn\u2019t realize that ##@#*ing is making things worse. Officers pray for a gquit.<\/p>\n

The Warlock Whisperer<\/strong>
\nDirectionally challenged. Despite having run Karazhan 1.26 million times, will require a summon to Maiden\u2019s room from the entrance. Has a \u201csummon pls\u201d macro. Strangely, is good at moving away from volcanoes. See (you guessed it) Stoners.<\/p>\n

The New Guy<\/strong>
\nBegins most sentences with, \u201cThat\u2019s not how we did it in my old guild on Korgath.\u201d Likely to remain guilded for approximately one week. You wonder if he\u2019ll be telling his next guild, \u201cIn my old guild, we ran TOWARDS the volcanoes.\u201d<\/p>\n

The Backup<\/strong>
\nHe\u2019s the guy waiting in the wings for the raid slot. Totally dependable and plays about 200% better than the guy for whom he\u2019s filling in. He\u2019s got half the gear and puts out 20% more DPS. Totally cool, amazingly competent. You love it when the main can\u2019t be there.<\/p>\n

The Buff-less Wonder<\/strong>
\nPlays a class with group buffs, but \u201cforgets\u201d to bring the necessary reagents. Highly skilled at turning a deaf ear and blind eye to buff assignments. If reminded, will proceed to slowly buff people one by one until someone else is overwhelmed by frustration and does it for them.<\/p>\n

Mr. Pick Me! Pick Me!<\/strong>
\nThis guy is online and ready to raid. Always. Need a prot warrior? He\u2019s got one. A holy pallie? Check. Problem is, he\u2019s really bad. Like bad bad. You keep him in the guild because he\u2019s\u2026 well, he\u2019s always been in the guild. So when your main tank, back up tank, and back up back up tank have vanished Mr. Pick is ready to rock, much to everyone else\u2019s horror.<\/p>\n

Tootsie<\/strong>
\nHas a female toon. Claims to be female. Receives many of the benefits that the other females do: people are nice to her; she gets suspiciously good loot. Problem is, she\u2019s never posted a picture of herself, and she never talks on Vent. Could she really be a girl? Sure. But who\u2019s to know?<\/span><\/p>\n

The Dumbest Person On The Planet<\/strong>
\nNo one\u2019s quite sure exactly what\u2019s wrong with this guy, perhaps human evolution really has come to a standstill. Will be the cause of 60% of your wipes until he gets a \/gkick. Tell him to spread out and he\u2019ll glue himself to a squishy healer. Tell him to avoid something and he\u2019ll stand in it till dead, then complain that he didn\u2019t get any heals. Ask him to CC the yellow star and he\u2019ll pick the orange circle then claim bleeding wounds debuff on his target.<\/p>\n

The Obvious Explainer<\/strong>
\nThis guy has read Wowwiki and probably written some of it. He will stop the raid for 15 minutes before each fight to explain to all the new people (of which there are none) that this guy might produce ground fire once in a while or that the hunter adds might shoot arrows. He\u2019ll warn that the boss can hit hard, tell everyone to avoid damage, and remind the healers that they need to keep the tanks alive, and not run out of mana. By the time his explanation of the obvious is over, the spawns have come up behind you and wiped the raid.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I found this when I was cleaning the mess on my PC today. If I’m not mistaken it was posted on official WoW forums and reposted on my guild’s forums back in the Molten Core days, still a nice read. … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3],"tags":[13],"class_list":["post-60","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-wow","tag-fun"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/elhana.ru\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/60","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/elhana.ru\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/elhana.ru\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/elhana.ru\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/elhana.ru\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=60"}],"version-history":[{"count":7,"href":"https:\/\/elhana.ru\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/60\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":67,"href":"https:\/\/elhana.ru\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/60\/revisions\/67"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/elhana.ru\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=60"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/elhana.ru\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=60"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/elhana.ru\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=60"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}